The Eleven Plus Sale

Today the count down to the eleven plus starts in earnest. Calendars will be opened and the dates of the eleven plus examinations will circled.

Holidays will be planned. Children will be asked to count the number of days left to the examination. The first utterance of: `We have done all we can. It’s up to you now.’, will be aired for the first time. In fact a day full of promise and anticipation.

Children will smile gently as mum and dad struggle with the new desk from IKEA. Thank goodness that the instructions are only in pictures - and there are no written words. The new lamp is much easier to assemble.

The stage is set. We are all waiting for the curtain to open.

Uncle Hamilton and Aunty Ruth call for afternoon tea. Uncle Hamilton offers the first verbal reasoning question of the New Year:

“What will you find in the centre of Paris, which can not be found in London or Milan?”

Aunty Ruth spoils the question by stage whispering `R’. Everyone laughs.

Aunty Ruth falls off the couch and starts little bubbling noises. Uncle Hamilton ignores her and asks:

“The doctor gives you six tablets and tells you to take one every two hours. If you take the first one at 10am, what time will you take the last one?”

Little Rosie, only five years old, yells out: “Eight pm!”.

The family fall about in shock. Is the right child taking the eleven plus?

Aunty Ruth wakes. Uncle Hamilton helps her to the car. Little Rosie asks loudly: “Why is Uncle Hamilton taking Aunty Ruth home so early?”

Dad asks Mum: “Can we get another one at IKEA?”