Eleven Plus Funk

It would be really wonderful if break dancing could be added to the eleven plus syllabus. Instead of rather boring eleven plus work we could be teaching children how to rap and to dance. This would be much healthier for our children – the poor mites would not have to sit in front of an eleven plus paper – they could be dancing and singing.

I am sure that it simply coincidence that a `rap’ has something to do with criminal facing terms in prison. I like to think of children rapping by singing, making up songs and indulging in social commentary. I can’t really see eleven plus children in today’s world being all that enamored of Frank Sinatra crooning away. I am sure our children would prefer something more funky. (Funkier?)

The whole Eleven Plus Event would be very easy to administer. The children would apply for an interview at the grammar school of their choice. They would go on stage in groups of ten. The eleven plus candidates would then dance and sing. A panel of judges would whittle the children down to three from each group of ten. This would give a thirty percent chance of a place! There would be some parents who would jump at odds like that!

To get down to the final one hundred and twenty children the ones who had `won their group’ would be called upon again for a further audition. (In some counties children are allowed to try verbal reasoning papers twice!)

The children would need to sing the first half of a song without accompaniment and then dance to the second half of the same tune.

Children would be marked on:

Deportment
Ability to smile under pressure
Remembering to thank the judges after the performance
Remembering the words
Remembering the dance routine
The amount of glitter.

Children would need to write their own rap words.

“I dig verbal but don’t like non
Better than education is sitting in the sun. (Pronounced son.)
Grammar School is the place for me
Swim like a butterfly and sting like a bee.”